Money Worth Wasting

I’m funny about food.  Part of my addiction and binging issues include keeping a mental tab of what “no no” food I have in my house.  Like I can tell you right now that I have 3 Sweet & Salty granola bars in the cupboard, an unopened 8 pack of Reese’s peanut butter cups and 1/2 quart of my favorite mint chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer.  It’s like flashing neon post-it notes are everywhere  reminding me that I ‘could’ totally sink my teeth into something so comforting RIGHT NOW!  It’s there… just go for it.

And what’s even funnier is that I seem to have no issue letting salad mix, raw vegtables and fruit go bad… to the point where there is no option and I MUST throw them in the garbage… but with indulgence foods — I can’t just throw them out.  Internally I struggle saying I’m wasting money if I do that.  I have to eat it all.   Can’t waste… EAT IT ALL JEN!   So since we all know that twinkies and the such NEVER go bad.. I mean look at all the preservatives in that shit… it’s not like I’ll ever HAVE to throw it out.  How do I get beyond this?

I know, don’t buy it…  But it’s already past that.  I already own it.  It’s the moment I’m in right now, which is hardest because I’ve not binged at all the entire day… and since it’s 8:41 PM — I think I’m going to make it through today.  First non-binge day in about 2weeks (since the Cheesecake Factory visit for K’s goodbye party)   I can do this.  Drink my water… and worry about all the junk food in my house tomorrow.  Sad to say it’s actually comforting knowing that it’s there… like a best friend or something.  Or you know, in case a natural disaster happens overnight and I need to break into it to keep from starving.  @@ Nice.

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