Monthly Archives: November 2015

Well that saddle has been sitting there for 4 years!

OMG.  It’s November 2015.  I’m not in much of a better place today than I was during my last post in October 2011 (binge free-wise). 49 months later. Wow. Ok, so I’ve been working with a lifestyle coach at work and this week she gave me links to this other blog ( with specific posts on how to stop binging. If only it were as easy as reading a blog post.  BUT… there is a lot of truth to what she’s written. I’m not happen where I am weight-wise and I need to give this an honest try… (again).

So what the heck has happened over the past 49 months? Well, I moved from Napa, CA to Orange, CA for work.  I actually moved down here mid-October 2011, so I’m scratching my head that I’ve actually made a post after a move trying to get on the straight path of eating. I do not remember that at all!  In quick summery diet-wise, the 6 months that followed that move were the most stressful of my life – including a series of panic attacks – one in May 2012 which landed me a trip via ambulance to the local ER. My weight shot up to 316 at the highest.  I’m happy to report it’s no longer there.  I did a short stint on Weight Watchers, then acted as a pilot participant in a plant-strong diet through work.  It’s during that time    It’s not of being on the diet and not losing weight that it was determined I have PCOS and insulin resistance. I’m taking medication for both, which is helping.

So back to my story… During the on-going battle with weight the years following, I had accepted that my role in life was to be the fat, jolly aunt or “auntie” Honestly, I was ok with it. At least I didn’t need to feel like a failure or letting someone else down.

Then something weird happened.  The summer of 2014 was spent with friends and their young families… and being a part of these families…. I started to realize I needed more. I can’t settle for being the ‘fat aunt’… I want and deserve so much more.  So I started giving this weight thing a serious try. Experienced a little success and started branching out to view online dating profiles as continued motivation of the life I want.

Then I accidentally met him.  Totally, completely way unprepared and not far enough in my weight-loss journey to meet someone. So filled with negative body image and thoughts, I ended up only talking to him the first 5 months of knowing him.  During this time, my binging was instantly, miraculously in check and I tried to maximize my weight change so he wouldn’t be disappointed when we met. I ended up getting down to 265 before finally meeting him in person this past January.

I am totally in-love.

But now that brings a whole different set of complications. He accepts me as I am… which is more than I could ever ask for, but it also has made keeping binging in check much more difficult. I realize that finding love was an amazing thing, but what it wasn’t, was a solution to stop binging.

I’m a lifer (of binge eating).  I’m here to fight this battle as best I can. Amour up!