Monthly Archives: March 2011
The last seven days have really tested me. When I think about what all is not going well, the one thing that is… is my eating! That’s unusual. My sister lives on the East coast of Japan. Need I say more? I’ve not had a panic attack since I though my house was going blow up because I thought I hit a gasline planting geraniums. Funny story, I’ll have to share sometime. But the attacks are offically back.
Last Thursday night when Shelly called to ask if I knew about the earthquake, I couldn’t even keep my hands still enough to function the remote to change the channel — only getting the channel to CNN in time to see that they just ‘happened’ to capture live images of the tsunami hitting land, I don’t think I could have been much more stressed.
Skip to today. My mother went into the hospital yesterday because she couldn’t breathe. She’s had a bad case of the flu (even put on Tamiflu) and we all thought it was related to that. Wrong. Found out this morning my mom actually had a small heart attack. WTF?? Seriously? MY mom? That happens to other families… not mine. Sure she’s overweight… but not NEARLY as overweight as me. And being overweight does not neccessarily mean you WILL have a cardiac event. I think I’ve been betting against that… almost trying to prove that although I’m obese, I’m healthy. But… if that doesn’t wake you up to the mortal reality of your family, I don’t know what will.
I only hope I lose it in time to make a difference. And how can I be a support to my mom and to try to get her to be healthier when I’m literally playing craps with my health myself?
Geez… I’ve not made a post since November? Doesn’t seem like that’s right, but I guess so.
Well it’s been a bittersweet couple of months. Bitter because I’ve gained weight. I hate running down the stairs and feeling the extra weight jiggle. Yes, even at my weight, you can tell when you’re carrying more. Sweet because I’ve not had to keep myself accountable. It’s been an eating free-for-all. That’s always fun. I thoroughly enjoyed the holidays and made my routine promise to myself on Dec 31st that 2011 would be ‘the’ year…. sound familiar?
Ya, that lasted until about Jan 3rd.
That’s ok. I’m not a failure until I stop trying…. and with that, it’s time to get back with the program. I’m back on Nutrisystem and that feels good. The first few days are always the hardest, but I’m past that. Right now, I’m not craving anything sweet… I’m about a week into this attempt.
Last weekend, I spent some time with S and the gang. Had a great ‘adult’ lunch. I forget how much I miss that. Seems like all my friends have kids now and our lives don’t always match up. It’s just life. It’s friends with ‘add-ons’ LOL. No, I love kids… I do. It’s just hard when you can’t relate to having to get up at 2:00 AM for feedings… anyways, all that to say that eating was totally out of control. After our adult lunch, I ended up buying 2 boxes of Girl Scout cookies out front of a local grocery store. They were gone within the next 24 hours. Add that to the multiple grilled cheese sandwiches I ate the rest of the weekend — you get the idea.
So it’s good. It’s kinda good. Feeling in control and I like that. Even given the stress with the earthquake in Japan (my sister’s family lives on the coast there) on Thursday night… I didn’t cave.