I don’t know if I’m just determined to be unhappy in Fall or what, but I have a huge funk that I’m struggling with. It’s like this overwhelming wall of doom… and I talk myself into thinking that I’m not performing to par at work…. that my car is going to break down…. that everyone thinks I’m stupid — yes, I realize none of this is true. I just got a review at work and it was the best to date. Yes, I’ve gotten some constructive criticism within the past week, but that’s no reason to go to these extremes.
I had a mini melt-down at work today “A” happened to call right as I was middle of it. For once, I was really happy to see his caller ID on the cell. He talked me down. I think I just don’t feel like I’m adequate in the job I have. I feel like there’s 1000s of people who could do it better and it worries me. I also think stress of flying back to IL at the end of the week for Mom’s surgery is adding to this feeling. If it were a vacation, I’d cancel. I just have way too much going on. But do I? When I try to write it down, it doesn’t seem like whole lot.
I’m a mess.
I’m really trying HARD to not drive to Trader Joe’s to get my mint chocolate chip ice cream… trying REALLY hard. I’m hoping if I just get it out of my head, the urge will pass. UGH.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey Jen, loving the honesty on your blog!! Sorry about your funk. . . they always do go away though, hang in there. I am also lucky (or cursed!) to have Trader Joe’s in my area. . . . one question: I’m curious to know if you’ve ever looked into Overeaters Anonymous.
Thank you Mary. I was in therapy and that is what the therapist wanted me to do. For now, I’m just not ready to face the public, eg… enter a room and publicly acknowledge that I have a problem. I know it sounds crazy, but keeping a blog and choosing what I share feels safer. When it gets to the root of it, I fear that the pressure of the group will force me to share feelings and thoughts that I don’t want to. It’s the fear of the unknown…
I also think myself so weak to battle with this. Poor fatty girl… I’m a smart, independant, woman… why can’t I overcome this myself without help?