Well that saddle has been sitting there for 4 years!
OMG. It’s November 2015. I’m not in much of a better place today than I was during my last post in October 2011 (binge free-wise). 49 months later. Wow. Ok, so I’ve been working with a lifestyle coach at work and this week she gave me links to this other blog (www.runsforcookies.com) with specific posts on how to stop binging. If only it were as easy as reading a blog post. BUT… there is a lot of truth to what she’s written. I’m not happen where I am weight-wise and I need to give this an honest try… (again).
So what the heck has happened over the past 49 months? Well, I moved from Napa, CA to Orange, CA for work. I actually moved down here mid-October 2011, so I’m scratching my head that I’ve actually made a post after a move trying to get on the straight path of eating. I do not remember that at all! In quick summery diet-wise, the 6 months that followed that move were the most stressful of my life – including a series of panic attacks – one in May 2012 which landed me a trip via ambulance to the local ER. My weight shot up to 316 at the highest. I’m happy to report it’s no longer there. I did a short stint on Weight Watchers, then acted as a pilot participant in a plant-strong diet through work. It’s during that time It’s not of being on the diet and not losing weight that it was determined I have PCOS and insulin resistance. I’m taking medication for both, which is helping.
So back to my story… During the on-going battle with weight the years following, I had accepted that my role in life was to be the fat, jolly aunt or “auntie” Honestly, I was ok with it. At least I didn’t need to feel like a failure or letting someone else down.
Then something weird happened. The summer of 2014 was spent with friends and their young families… and being a part of these families…. I started to realize I needed more. I can’t settle for being the ‘fat aunt’… I want and deserve so much more. So I started giving this weight thing a serious try. Experienced a little success and started branching out to view online dating profiles as continued motivation of the life I want.
Then I accidentally met him. Totally, completely way unprepared and not far enough in my weight-loss journey to meet someone. So filled with negative body image and thoughts, I ended up only talking to him the first 5 months of knowing him. During this time, my binging was instantly, miraculously in check and I tried to maximize my weight change so he wouldn’t be disappointed when we met. I ended up getting down to 265 before finally meeting him in person this past January.
I am totally in-love.
But now that brings a whole different set of complications. He accepts me as I am… which is more than I could ever ask for, but it also has made keeping binging in check much more difficult. I realize that finding love was an amazing thing, but what it wasn’t, was a solution to stop binging.
I’m a lifer (of binge eating). I’m here to fight this battle as best I can. Amour up!